What i've learnt in my first year of marriage
A lot that's the short answer.
As of last week, I've been a happily married man for 1 year... This means that I'm by no means a seasoned pro at all of this married life, husband stuff just yet - I’m still learning the ropes as it were; and this post is just what I personally have found out since saying "I do".
The long answer to "What I've learnt in the first year of marriage" is more than I could've ever thought possible. On the 23rd June 2016, I married the best person that I’ve ever met. It was an absolutely incredible day, beautiful, warm, emotional and honestly the happiest day of my life so far. What has happened since this point has changed me in many ways and I believe them all to be for the better?
Learn to love the unknown
You'd think that when you become an old married couple (a year counts as old doesn't it?), you'd both just sit on the couch watching repeats of Pointless and arguing over who's making the tea. Turns out it's the exact opposite mainly because I decided to go freelance 6 months after exchanging our vows and what we'd thought was going to be a relatively relaxing time post wedding day, has turned into a more or less full-time assault on our free time. This lack of routine, however, is great for us. It keeps us on our toes and stops us from becoming too complacent, panning out on the sofa for hours at a time.
Add to the fact that we’re also trying for a baby and you’ve got a whole minefield of new and exciting things to contend with as a newly formed duo. Exist in the moment and enjoy the unexpected.
Security feels great
I've never felt more secure in myself emotionally, physically and mentally than I have over the past year. It might sound ridiculous but from the moment we got married, I've felt an enormous sense of security wash over me and my previous “anxieties” fall by the wayside. Think about that famous phrase "Behind every great man is an even greater woman"... I can 100% relate to this quote these days.
My wife and I have been through a number of rather traumatic experiences over the past 6 months alone; more than anyone should really ever have to deal with if I'm being totally honest, and without her by my side (and hopefully me by her's) I doubt we'd have come out the other side of it unscathed. There's a level of honesty and unedited truth that has to exist between you both to make it work, but when you have this, the feeling of security is something else.
Talk about everything
This is the biggest piece of advice that I can give. Talk about everything.If something is on my mind, I'll tell her about it and 9 times out of 10 she'll help me figure out the best way to get through it, sort it or do something to make sure it doesn't happen again and vice versa. Having someone who knows every flaw, issue or slight anxiety that I may have is amazing.
Reading this back, I can see how it may sound pretty scary, but realistically, having someone who knows you better than you do is great to fight through any issues that you're facing and allows for you both to find a level of comfort in each other that I never thought possible with another person.
Don't keep secrets... EVER!
Following on from the previous point, keeping secrets from each other, whether that's about things in the past or stupid things that you may or may not have done in the present is a recipe for arguments and heartache. The only real secret that I managed to successfully keep from my wife was when I was going to propose. One of the hardest tasks in the world when you talk to each other about every little thing every day. How I managed it I will never know. Nowadays, I can't even get away with what I'm planning to get her for her birthday.
My wife is like a mind reading ninja, she knows when I'm hiding something (usually something for her) even when she can only see the back of my head. It must be like some kind of superpower that only comes to light when a wedding ring is placed on their finger.
It might be weird explaining those stupid "in jokes" you have with your friends, embarrassing to talk about exgirlfriends or completely pointless trying to lie about what that horrible smell is but ultimately things will move a lot smoother if you don't keep these things from your other halfand trust me, they already know the real answer anyway.
Transparency, I've found, is the easiest way to a happy life.
Laughter genuinely is the best medicine
There's a good portion of our relationship built on laughter. Going through the death of a family member is tough at the best of times. It's made even tougher when you're going through a number of other emotionally draining issues aside from that particular brand of horrible.
Knowing that no matter what happens, you can both drag each other out of whatever funk you may be in and make each other laugh at any time is incredible. It doesn't matter how low you are, or how pissed off with the world you become... making each other laugh, giggle or even just smile is amazing. I mean,when you come downstairs in the morning to find your other half sat in an inflatable swan watching the news, you know that you've done something right.
Arguing is healthy
It's not all roses, don't kid yourself... you're going to argue. It's what you do with these arguments that could cause the issues.
The problem with being married to someone is that you know every single button you can press to wind the other person up, make them feel stupid or upset them and unfortunately, that's what arguments do to you... they make you push them even though you know you shouldn't. With this being said, despite arguing about big, small, pointless or meaningful things, there's always time to talk them through afterwards. It usually comes down to compromising on something but that's what makes a marriage work.
You're never right about everything despite how hard it is to hear that... you've just got to remember that you will always argue but it’s what you do with the outcome of those arguements that shape you and your marriage. Deal with the outcome in the moment, and don’t ever go to work, bed or out of the house without dealing with it head on.
I'm well aware of the negative connotations surrounding this phrase but it isn't meant to reference anything other than the literal meaning. (Link)
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